Today I lost a great love! Perhaps the greatest I would have ever known, but now I never will. It’s my fault and I fully take the blame. Feelings of sorrow overtake my soul, as I mourn my lost love and ponder what my actions have done.
Why did I lose him? He was a man unlike any I have ever met before or probably ever will again. Fleeing from my presence, what did I do to chase him away?
Let me explain.
I joined a popular, online dating site and entered my information. It was all correct except for the two most important things. My age and my pictures.
Stumbling and falling head-long into a dark web of lies concocted by about 80% of people on dating sights, I joined in. Lying to get attention, I put my age back twenty-three years and touched up my pictures to look more glamorous.
It was a big lie! I knew better but I rationalized my actions. I only wanted some light-hearted conversation with younger men to pass away my times of loneliness. Nothing more.
After all, for more than forty years, no one had come into my life whose mind and spirit were in sync with mine. I thought it impossible now and didn’t expect it to happen, but “bam!”
This handsome man with a brilliant mind, suddenly, out of nowhere, came to me and love came too. Like a bolt of lightning, it struck our minds and sizzled our souls, as we fell head-long, unabashedly, in love with each other, even though we did not physically meet.
Penetrating our hearts, this bolt of lightning dissolved the safety barriers we had erected and gleefully jumped and danced all about, electrifying us with the pulsating touch of sheer delight! Our bodies tingled with the hot juice of passion, as we felt the cords of a Soul Mate Circle wrap its spiritual bond around us.
As strong and deep as eternity, it was pouring itself out the moment our fingers started tapping our heart messages into cyberspace. We fit!
Like a pair of old, well-worn leather gloves, we slipped into each other’s consciousness, melding our minds together seamlessly.
It felt so right to be with him, but how could it ever be? My deception doomed us from the start because love cannot be true filled with lies.
Loving and respecting me for the woman he thought I was, when I told him the truth, he was shocked and deeply hurt. “Who are you?” he said. “I don’t know who you are!”
Twenty-three years older than he knew me to be, I was only a shadow resemblance of the woman he saw in my doctored pictures. “I hardly recognize you at all. You don’t look like the woman I thought you were.”
The bubble burst.
We had been, magically, caught up and suspended in time for a brief period while our love became pregnant with possibilities. It was unlike anything we had ever experienced because we were living a fairytale. A made-up fantasy that was not real.
Now, it was over. The silence was deafening.
In the cold, hard light of reality, we tumbled down to earth once more, falling hard and fast with a mighty thud!
Our relationship was done. We were through.
My deceit choked it and pulled it apart limb-by-limb until it died.
Now, it breathes no more, cries no more, touches no more, tastes no more and loves no more.
It is dead. The stillness abounds and life feels empty and barren.
I killed it. I left it lying on my bedroom floor.
My Lost Love
When trust in a relationship is broken, it is hard to find love there again. It becomes a house and not a home.
Who can trust what you say anymore without lingering doubts? It shatters the very foundation upon which the relationship is built.
Love is the greatest we can hope for in our human existence because it is the hand of God showering us in this world. True love does not always find us as we wish, but if we are fortunate enough to receive its visitation, we must cherish its existence and count our blessings that we have been found among the worthy to receive.
We must never take it for granted or relegate it to a lesser place than the highest and the best. It demands a place of honor.
Most of all, it demands truth!
That which has been done cannot be undone, and My Lost Love and I may never speak again. I cannot take back the pain I have wrought, but I can ask for forgiveness which I do. I can, also, learn my life lessons from this dreadful experience. I have!
I pass on my most important lessons to you in hopes that you will not make the same mistakes.
The number one lesson I thought I knew, but have to learn again, is to love yourself for who you are, what you look like and the path you’ve traveled! You cannot turn back the hands of time, nor should you want too.
Be real by being yourself, regardless of your age or your looks. Let others take you as you are. If they can not, let them go!
Lastly, always remember, honesty is the best policy. No matter what other people are doing or what the situation may be, do the honorable thing and tell the truth!
Sometimes it may seem so simple or easy to bend the rules a bit here or there with a lie. Don’t do it! If what you seek requires you to be a liar about yourself or your situation, it’s not worth it.
Keep your principles intact and make sure you love and value yourself!
One of Shakespeare’s most profound truths fits so well here…
This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, Thou canst not then be false to any man.
I wish I had.